SAY IT AIN'T SO, YEBBUT!

There's plenty of stuff I've needed to write about over the last few weeks, but due to my adversarial relationship with all things electronic, my computer was on the freakin' fritz. Mostly, there's been a whole bunch of big sports junk in the news lately, and I was chomping at the bit to yammer on about it!

Poor Mrs. Dana S. made the mistake of asking me (after a few libations, no less!), "What's the deal with this Pacers basketball game fight thing?" Well, hang on, sister! And I think I spewed out about an 8 1/2 minute first sentence. So, I was all set to do a Soapbox on that whole fracas, when all of a sudden, my beloved baseball put that story to shame. Quick preface: in 1919, after Shoeless Joe Jackson was exposed for taking part in fixing a World Series Game and was subsequently banned from baseball for life, there was supposedly a little kid that walked up to him on the street and said, "Say it ain't so, Joe!" This made headlines, and became the catch phrase that captured that story in a nutshell. So, when America heard the news on ESPN last week, I have no doubt many fans were thinking: "Say it ain't so, Barry!!"

The reason I do these occasional sports things for my Soapboxes is that, while I know most of y'all are aware of the world around you, observers of the social status and all, a lot of you music-lovers couldn't give a flying Ute's ass about sports. And I can understand that, because sports (especially lately) has given us plenty not to like. But still, there it is, always invading our front page and CNN news-ticker. And what happened last week was probably the biggest sports story of the last 50 years, probably even bigger than Pete Rose's banishment from baseball. In illegally leaked grand jury transcripts, Barry Bonds admitted (sort of) to using steroids.

I say "sort of" because he said in his testimony that he was given "a cream and a clear substance" by his personal trainer and childhood friend, Greg Anderson, but was not told and did not ask what they were. He said he thought they were "flaxseed oil and arthritis cream". Wow, if that's true, I'm gonna go get me some flaxseed oil and arthritis cream! Then maybe I too can go out a bench press my Suburban in the driveway. Or, better yet, screw the truck, I'll just strap my gear on my back and fly to my gigs.

The Yankees' Jason Giambi also admitted it (fully) in his grand jury testimony, saying he used them after he first came to the Yankees, after his 2000 MVP season with the Oakland A's (yeah right!). That story was huge in itself, but Giambi was probably doing cartwheels the next day, after his story was totally eclipsed by the news about Bonds' testimony. Of course, that whole "Say it ain't so" thing is a bit of a stretch -- Bonds has been suspected, if not publicly convicted (myself included), of being on steroids for years, and has lost many fans because of it. And until now, it could only be labeled as "suspicion" -- but now it's fact. So, those of you that don't keep up with baseball (or sports at all), and are wondering why this story is on your CNN, here's a little setup:

Barry Bonds literally grew up in big league baseball, being the son of Bobby Bonds, a good ballplayer in the 60's and 70's, and godson of Willie Mays, considered one of the top 5 players in the history of the game. Barry came into the league as a young player in the '80's, with the Pittsburgh Pirates. Over the years, he became one of the better players in the league, his strengths being as a guy who hit for high batting average and some power, and had good speed. He was traded to the San Fransisco Giants (where Willie Mays played) in 1993 as a "30-30 guy" - capable of at least 30 home runs and 30 steals per season, one of the stats we use today to quantify the very best players in the game -- and in 1996 became one of the earliest "40-40" guys. He was this type of player (he had never hit more than 49 home runs in his career) until 2001 -- when all of a sudden he hit 73 home runs, breaking the all-time major league record!! The original single-season HR record record was 61 -- hit by Roger Maris in 1961 -- and was broken after 37 years in 1998 first by Mark McGwire (another player highly suspected of steroid use), who hit 70 that year, then broken later that same year by Sammy Sosa (yet another player highly suspected of steroid use), who hit 66. Barry Bonds broke the McGwire record in 2001, with his 73 home runs. He hit 49 the year before, and hasn't hit more than 46 since -- now mostly due to the fact that he's intentionally walked 1 out of every 3 at-bats, and hits 500-foot home runs into the San Fransisco Bay practically every time he's allowed to touch the ball.

So, there's the facts. But besides the astronomical jump in stats over the course of one or two seasons, these guys were "visually indicted" of steroid use in public opinion, by the way their bodies became "supermen" in such a short time. All three of the main offenders -- Bonds, Sosa, and McGwire -- looked like above-average professional athletes before their record-breaking seasons; they were big, obviously strong guys, in prime physical condition. But then, all of a sudden, they became huge guys, with Hulk-like upper bodies and tree trunk legs. In fact (and this is one of the biggest tell-tales I've seen), Barry Bonds' head grew to about twice the size it was before! If you have the time, go to ESPN.com and check out the before/after photos of these guys -- it's downright creepy. Bonds looks like a completely different person between the 1990's and today. And at the exact same time, they all started shattering records that have held up for many, many years, records that thousands of other players in that time have not even come close to breaking. OK... for a lark, let's just go with Bonds' story, that he didn't know what he was taking, what he was being given by Greg Anderson, his buddy Victor Conti, or the Balco health supplement company. Don't you think that maybe, just maybe, after he ballooned up like Violet Beauregard in Willy Wonka, his hat size grew about 5 sizes, he started playing better than he (or any other player in history) ever had after the age of 35, and started leaping tall buildings in a single bound, he may have asked his old pal Greg, "What the hell have you been giving me?" If anybody thinks a pro athlete of that caliber, who takes meticulous care of his body, makes millions of dollars with said body, and adheres religiously to a psychotic workout regimen doesn't know every single thing that's going into that body, they're insane. You think he's going to take something that changes his performance that drastically, not to mention his appearance, without even knowing what it is, or even bother asking? Not a chance.

So, we have all heard about steroids and what they do. The make you bigger, stronger, faster, when combined with a rigorous workout regimen, and are only available by prescription. They have been used illegally by athletes for about 25 years, first coming to national attention when the NFL's Lyle Alzado died because of it, then years later Ben Johnson was stripped of his Olympic gold medal after testing positive for steroids, and even today, 2000 Sydney Olympic track star Marion Jones is involved in the Balco scandal, the same as Barry Bonds. Modern athletes have been under constant scrutiny over alleged steroid use, and most sports have strict drug testing policies to prevent its use. Except baseball, that is.

The Major League Baseball Players Association (the players' union) is arguably the strongest and most influential in all of professional sports. And because of baseball's beloved place in the heart of American sports fans, and therefore the ominous threat of a player walkout that would literally affect the U.S. economy, the players' union has coerced the team owners and MLB commissioner Bud Selig into a completely impotent, toothless drug testing policy that doesn't allow for random testing. This is the weakest drug policy in all of professional sports.

But why does it matter so much? Sports records are made to be broken, right? True, to a point. But in baseball, more than any other sport, the players' stats and records, and where a player rates and compares in the 150 year history of baseball, is of utmost importance. The truth is, baseball is the nerdiest of all sports. Of all the uber-fans who can whip out the stats of all the players in the history of their favorite sport like a backwoods evangelist with bible verses, baseball fans are the freakiest. Their attention to the minutia of all stats, and where each player stands, is emblazoned on their souls, not just their brains. And of all the stats and records in baseball (or in all of sports for that matter), Hank Aaron's career record of 755 home runs is probably the most coveted there is.

Babe Ruth, not only the most popular and famous baseball player ever, but also arguably considered the greatest player in history statistically and in overall ability, held the career HR record of 714 from 1935 until it was broken by Hank Aaron in 1974. Aaron holds the current career record with 755 home runs. Right now, Barry Bonds is 3rd on the career home run list, with 703, after breaking his godfather Willie Mays' career record last year. He should break Babe Ruth's mark early in the 2005 season, and could reach Aaron's by 2006. By the way, Babe Ruth never hit more than 60 home runs in a season in his entire career. Hank Aaron never hit more than 47.

So, where does that leave Bonds? If he breaks Aaron's record, is he the greatest baseball player ever? The argument could be made that he is -- on top of his home run stats, he has more speed and stolen bases than Aaron, Ruth, or even Mays ever had, he is the most feared hitter in the last 30 years, has hit for comparable if not better average than those guys, and when he retires, may have the longest career, and the most prolific. Who is the "greatest ever" is a hotly contested argument in baseball these days, and strong arguments can be made for Ruth, Mays, Aaron... and yes, Bonds.

He has always been under the public and media microscope because of his alleged steroid use, compounded by the fact that he started having his most amazing seasons after the age of 35, usually the end of a player's career. He had his 73 home run season when he was 37, and will celebrate his 41st birthday next season. No other player in history has had the kind of success he's had at the end of their career, practically dwarfing his early accomplishments. But no matter what he accomplishes, his name will always be associated with the word "asterisk". Many feel that in the Hall Of Fame, Barry's info should list all his accomplishments, then at the bottom read, " *Bonds cheated in the later years of his career, illegally using steroids while breaking many of baseball's batting records." And when discussing Bonds and his accomplishments, there will forever be a "Yebbut" in there. As in, "Bonds broke Hank Aaron's all time home run record!" "Yeah, but he did it while cheating and using steroids to become a hulking freak of nature." He will be Barry "Yebbut" Bonds till the end of time.

So, you may be asking, dear "I-could-care-less-about-baseball" Soapbox reader: "Why should I care about this? And more importantly, why is this taking up space on my CNN and in my New York Times?" For one thing, it's a not just a baseball matter, it's a legal one: 1) Bonds' testimony was in front of a federal grand jury, during the trial of the Balco Corporation, accused of illegally developing & distributing steroids, and 2) the use of steroids without a prescription is illegal, period. Bonds and Gimabi both testified only after being assured immunity from prosecution, in exchange for their truthful testimony. Also, even if you don't give a damn about sports at all, baseball is a part of American history, and an indelible part of our culture. A person who doesn't follow sports saying they don't care about this "whole Barry Bonds thing" is like a person in the early '70's who didn't follow politics saying they couldn't care less about Watergate. As we just saw firsthand when the Boston Red Sox won the World Series for the first time in 86 years, baseball can bring families together, turn adults to bawling babies, and make an old man's lifetime dream come true. I do agree that it is a bit silly to let a game -- hitting a ball with a stick and running in a circle -- affect generations of families, lower the U.S. and world economy, and make Senators do interviews on ESPN. I mean, it's just a game. Right?

This must be said in Barry Bonds' defense: steroids cannot improve your hand-eye coordination. They can't help you choose the best pitch to hit a homer with or give you a walk (which Bonds is the all-time leader in now), and won't make you get up at 6 a.m. and work out, run track, and hit in the batting cage every single day for 25 years. 'Roids or no 'roids, Bonds is a mashing savant, a batting deity, and a master of the game itself. In fact, even before the 'roids and the records, he was very likely to have a spot in the Hall Of Fame. Which makes his use of steroids seem all the more stupid and selfish. For a man with as much knowledge and alleged respect for the history of the game (he's Willie Mays' godson, for cryin' out loud!) as Bonds, for a player who knows how revered the history of stats and records are in the game of baseball, it is astonishing that he would disrespect, if not outright spit on, his own family name, his godfather's name, and the name of every baseball player who played his guts out every day and earned each and every stat or record legitimately, and without question.