F#@!-in' Wapner! Part I

Wow, sorry to leave you guys with those riveting sports Soapboxes for so long!

You know - holidays and all that. Went to my folks in Knoxville, went to K's folks in San Antonio, then up to Green Bay for New Year's Eve to play at the Oneida Casino. Kind of a whirlwind holiday, but all in all pretty cool. Since then I've been.. well... watching a whole lot lotta TV. And I know that TV trends come and go, and always have. Usually we get inundated with a particular TV fad for a year or two, then something else comes along. But the big one right now that's GOT TO GO, and soon, is reality TV.

I know this gets talked about and complained about and made fun of way too much already. And as usual (like pop country), I find myself asking, "If everybody hates it so much, why is it still EVERYWHERE?" And the age-old question, "Who is buying this crap?" I knew reality TV was huge, but now it's just way out of hand. As I was watching this past month, I saw that it has moved far past the networks, and has enter-sprawled its way to every cable channel -- even the ones that don't even do fiction programming with actors & scripts, like CMT and such. So, I sat down with the trusty pen & paper and decided to write down every single reality show that I saw an advertisement for, and also jotted down ones we could think of that aren't on any more. We got:

American Idol, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance, Survivor (parts 1 through infinity, on every continent), The Mole, Celebrity Mole, Cowboy U (CMT), The Real World (MTV - for about 10 seasons), Average Joe, Joe Millionaire, The Simple Life, Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire (duping skanks on every continent), The Restaurant, The Apprentice, Road Rules, House Of Dreams (A&E), Newlyweds (MTV), Temptation Island, Blind Date, Elimi-date, 5th Wheel, Amazing Race, Big Brother, Boy Meets Boy, For Love Or Money, Who Wants To Marry My Dad, Nashville Star (USA), Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, Paradise Hotel, and Meet My Folks.

And I'm sure I left out about that many.

See? When you look at it listed like that, it's a little easier to see the absurdity of it all -- and ourselves for watching them, and, more importantly, buying the products advertised on them. And you know who started it all?? Judge Freaking Wapner. The People's Court. That was 20 years ago, folks. Then along came "The Real World" and "Cops" , and it was all over. Now we got Judge Judy, Judge Hatchett, Judge Joe Brown, Divorce Court, Judge Mills Lane, Animal Court (with freaking Wapner, no less),Animal Precinct, Highway Patrol, America's Most Wanted, and every stupid Worlds Craziest Police Chases show for about 2 years straight. OK, I got it -- the ultimate reality TV show: "Who Wants To Marry The World's Craziest Police Chase Survivor In The Real World Island Restaurant?"

OK, I'll admit it -- I watched the first Joe Millionaire. It was fairly entertaining. I got a couple of chuckles at it, and that was it. I didn't hate it, but I didn't want to watch any more of them, and had no interest in anything else that came out. I'd seen a reality show. Yay. Next.

Now... (to quote Bill Cosby)..I told you that story to tell you this one.......

(See Part II of this Soapbox for the exciting conclusion!)