White Trash With Money... And Nary A Brain Cell

I just saw Toby Keith on The Colbert Report. Naturally, he looked and sounded like a big dumb redneck, as usual. Here's a few highlights.

-- Colbert asks him about his new movie with Burt Reynolds and Kelly Preston. They show a clip of the movie, which is Toby Keith singing onstage somewhere. Colbert says, "It looks like you're playing a country singer. Quite a stretch for you. How did you prepare?" Naturally, the Tobester doesn't get the joke, and says something that doesn't answer the question anyway. Colbert also asked, "Did Burt Reynolds give you any advice?" He said, "Yeah. Burt said, 'Either be dangerous or charming. I was charming. You're both. Tommy Cruise wouldn't scare me with a (gun?), but you'd scare me with a fork. And you have a great smile. Keep it up.'" Apparently Burt Reynolds is waaay more of a pussy than I ever thought. Toby Keith wouldn't scare me with a bazooka to my head. All you'd have to do was ask him "Who's buried in Grant's tomb?", he'd be stumped, scratch his head, and you could take his bazooka. Or show him something shiny. Or a dollar bill.

-- Colbert kept making "boot up your ass" jokes, referencing a line in one of Tobe Keith's songs, and said would he do that to those America-hating Hollywood producers. Toberrific said, "No, I'll just use a bald-headed eagle. I'll put a bald-headed eagle up their ass." Really?? A "bald-headed" eagle?? They're called "bald eagles", nimrod. I know that's nitpicking, but Jesus... and you said it twice.

-- They were talking about him smoking weed Willie Nelson's bus. Colbert said, "Does Willie's bus run on some special hippie fuel?" (or something to that effect). His Keithiness said, "I think it runs on ethanol, or something. Maybe hemp." He doesn't know that Willie has his own line of bio-diesel fuel? He could have made a joke about how it smells like french fries, or made fun of his own conservativeness by saying it smelled like "freedom fries". But nope.

It was a really short interview, but Toby Keith was able to make himself look like an ass in even that short time. The best part is, I doubt he has any idea that he was just on one of the most liberal shows on TV. Didn't one of his "people" tell him that The Colbert Report is funny because it parodies, to the "'nth degree", conservative talk show hosts? The point of the program is to show what a bunch of idiots the uber-conservatives are. Maybe somebody did try to explain it to him, and he just didn't understand the ideas of satire and parody, especially on the level Colbert does it. I guess if he did understand it, he'd realize that's he's just a parody of a country singer himself.

It's so (uncomfortably) hilarious when people come on that show that don't understand what it is. Conservatives come on and get uncomfortable because the host is exposing their party's ugliest side, and liberals just get mad because they think he's serious. Then, sometimes, you have Republicans like John McCain or Democrats like Al Franken who come on there and actually get the show, and can poke fun of themselves and their party and act like they have a level head. They realize that the guy interviewing them is a character played by a comedic actor named Stephen Colbert, not a real person. I don't think the ol' Tobenator is in that camp.

Roger