(Sorry. Going to call them secretaries.
There's nothing demeaning about that job title. I'm aware that
"administrative assistant" makes you sound more important, but
they're still paying you the same goddamn low pay. Why get a fancier job title
if you don't get the money? That's a crock of shit.)
Anyway, That's right, bosses! It's time for a
futile attempt to raise the morale of the person that does all the work while
you go golfing, eat expensive lunches and just shit on them all day! Let's
smooth over being a jack-ass all year by buying them flowers! All right! And
wait...is that a gift certificate to Applebee's? WOW! And this whole time, we
just thought you were a Dabney Coleman-esque sexist, racist rich Republican
white cocksucker who cares more about his stock than his employees! We've
misjudged you, sir.
Here's an idea: how about instead of giving a
thoughtless standard gift, you let your secretary have the fucking day off to
enjoy their day? You really want to do something? Do your own fucking work for
once. Why don't you see how hard this shit is, and maybe you'll consider making
them a full-time employee with actual benefits instead of a contractor or a
temp, or maybe you'll pay them more than 9 bucks an hour.
No, you won't, will you? You'll always be a
selfish greedy cock-juggler.