Fuck
your flip-flops and your sandals. Seriously. Yes, I know how hot it is. Do you
know how fucked up your feet look?
Think
of it this way. Let's say you're a tubby bastard. You go out in public, and
it's 90 degrees outside. You'd feel a lot more comfortable if you wore a half
shirt or no shirt at all, but you wear one anyway. Why? Because you don't want
to show off your hairy gut and gross people out. And yet you'll wear some Tivas
and display your yellowing toenails and that fucked-up callous on your big toe?
Gross. Why not show off ass-crack, fatty.
The
only men who can wear sandals are gay foot models who washed their feet that
day and are wearing sandals that have not been worn previously so that they're
not soaked in foot funk. And even then, they have to expect to hear, 'Hey
faggot! Nice toes!' Sorry. That's the rule.
There
are two exceptions to this:
1)
You're at the beach, the pool, or the lake. When you go swimming, you
acknowledge that you will have to see man toes as well as man gut, man back-fat,
and pale-ass man legs. It's the price you pay.
2) You're Jesus Christ. If you've died for my
sins, you can wear sandals. You know what? I'll broaden that a bit. If you've
ever been nailed to a cross, you can wear your fucking flip flops. You've earned
it. Besides, we'll be too busy staring at the scars on your feet to notice any
foot fungus.