Hey Parents! Knock It Off!

 

        

I understand that you want your child to be special...to be an individual. I get that. But here's a news flash for you: Naming your kid something out of the ordinary won't guarantee they won't grow up to be a dick. I was at a party and overheard that someone named their daughter "Bradson" (I'm sure it was a different spelling). My cousin named their daughter "Brooklyn", even though they've never been to New York.

 

Worse is the parent who picks a fairly normal name but then has a "unique" spelling....Maybe Mike with a "y", or Katelyn/Katelynn/Caitlyn/Catelyn/Caitelin/Catelin/Caytlyn/Caytelyn...fucking hell! Is that going to ensure your daughter doesn't turn into a spacey cheerleader giving handjobs to football players? RAISING your child is what makes them who they are, not their goddamn name. I welcome babies named Jack, John, Sean, Sarah, Anne, Mary, etc.

 

Hey, it's your fucking kid. Do what you want. Just do your child a favor: If you go with a unique first name, make their middle name normal. Give them an out so they have a choice later on when they're getting their ass handed to them by dipshit classmates in school.

 

"HA ha! How's it going, ESPN (es pen)? Your dad still an unemployed loser who watches sports all day?"

 

"My name is Chris now."

 

A unique name is not a bad thing. Just be reasonable, will ya? The couple that named their kid "Espn" gave the kid the middle name of "Curiel". That's hand lotion. It's like they decided their spawn's name based on things they could see in the hospital room.

 

 

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