HOBOS 'N' HOHOS

You "RUINED people's lives"?? How about, "I hit a hobo with my car and left him to die in my windshield."

I'm sitting here watching the end of the sentencing phase of the murder trial of Chante Mallard on CNN (they already found her guilty). In case you've been hiding under your couch for the last year, she's the woman here in Texas that hit a homeless guy with her car, drove home, parked the car in the garage, left him there dying and stuck in her windshield while she went inside and had sex with her boyfriend, and then dumped the body in the park. I just watched 15 minutes of questions about how she was "on the marijuana" at the time -- then here comes her brilliant defense attorney with the full-on "pot card":

"Did you smoke marijuana?"

"(Sniffle.. nod...) Yes, sir, I did. A lot."

"Do you have a problem with drugs, Chante?"

"(Sniffle..sob..).. Yes I do... (sniffle)..."

"And what have drugs done to your life?"

"It made me ruined people's lives.. (sob, sob).. I ruined my life.. (sniffle) I'm so sorry..."

"Do you want treatment?"

"(Sniff)... Yes...(sob..) Yes I do... I want treatment... (sniffle)..."

Are you KIDDING me? How's that for accountability, huh? Apparently the wicked hippie lettuce took ahold of her foot and MADE her step on the gas instead of the brake so she could run down a hobo, then it GRABBED her arms and made her steer home instead of pulling over and calling 911 or administering medical aid, which she was medically trained to do. And THEN, that cursed devil weed covered her ears so she couldn't hear the guy moaning and begging for help, and took her by the shirt collar and MADE her go in the house and have sex with her boyfriend, leaving the guy to die in her windshield. THEN that cursed flower stuck the body in a sack, and forced her to drive to the park and dump it in a ditch.

WOW! Mar'-joo-ana did all that? I thought it just made you a doofus and gave you the munchies! Who knew it could turn people into sociopathic murderers? There must be people in Amsterdam right now going into hash bars and asking the bartender to hook them up with some of "that shit that makes you wanna kill hobos." I'll be damned.... She's gotta be getting REALLY crazy shit. Must be medical stash.

Seriously, though... marijuana? Are you freaking kidding? Apparently everybody except lawyers and politicians knows it's WAY past time to stop lumping it in with real narcotics like cocaine, heroin, and crack, which actually DO turn people into sociopaths and murderers. Obviously, kids shouldn't smoke pot, just like they shouldn't drink or smoke cigarettes. All are bad for you in their own way. Cigarettes are a direct physical danger, and pot makes you stupid. But alcohol harms you in both those ways, PLUS it makes you much more dangerous to others and yourself when used in public. I guess the weed did make her stupid, though -- she got caught because she TOLD PEOPLE ABOUT IT months later, at a party! I take it back... you can't blame that kind of stupid on pot, even. That's a unique, personal kind of stupid she has there. That's all her own.

This "pot card" defense ranks right up there with that genius PSA on television that says: "1/3 of all people in car wrecks test positive for marijuana." That's probably the stupidest one I've heard. Um... do they realize that they just said that 2/3 of all people in car wrecks DON'T test positive for marijuana? And they also don't mention the fact that about 1/3 of all motorists smoke pot anyway, at least occasionally, and that it stays in your system for a month or something. So, all that PSA statistic really means is that "1/3 of all motorists have smoked pot in the last month." It has nothing to do with getting in wrecks or not getting in wrecks.

"Say you're smoking pot, and you get in a wreck.... You're only going 4 miles an hour! Creeeeak... crunch.... 'Shit, we hit somethin, dude...' 'Forgot to open the garage door, man..." -- Bill Hicks -- Relentless

Just make sure you don't hit a hobo.

Roger