I LOVE THIS GAME, Part I

Wow, no Soapbox since June! I went on a good streak there for a while, and then I just kinda stopped, huh? I'm sure that in spite of your insomnia, shakes, DT spasms, and hair loss, you've all been getting along just swimmingly without them. Well, tie up the tourniquets, kids -- here comes another one! OK, that was pretty self-serving, but what the hell, I had to have something clever & witty to say after a 3-month Soapbox hiatus. Be forwarned on this one -- if you're reading this one for my opinions on music & such, this ain't gonna be one of those. I'm kinda going off the map a bit this time -- but if you're reading this at all, you must find my rantings at least mildly entertaining, and this one may just live up to those lofty standards.

I figured, it being the end of October -- the biggest month in sports, with the World Series, football in full swing, and the NBA preseason -- I'd talk about just that. Some of y'all know, but most of you probably don't, that I'm a bit of a sports dork. Mostly just the 3 biggies -- baseball, football, and basketball. I give a special allowance for boxing, of which I am a huge fan and definitely can be called a "sport". Horse racing can be called that as well, and I do like it, but I don't keep up with it very much. All other "sports" I put in 3 categories 1) Ones I have respect for, for their athleticism & skill, but could care less if I never see another score, highlight reel, or mention of their players on any sports show or magazine for the rest of my natural life, or 2) Highly skilled hobbies, or 3) NOT A FREAKING SPORT. So, I'll give you some examples:

1) RESPECT, BUT WHO CARES: This includes sports like hockey & tennis (yes, these are still actually "sports"). And I suppose soccer fits in there too, and maybe auto racing (but only because there is at least some actual real-time competition there). Don't get me wrong, most of those dudes could run me down & beat me senseless, then make me play their sport and beat me senseless at that (wait, not a soccer player... I think I could take a soccer player). But the point is that I, and most other Americans, simply DO NOT CARE. Canada can have hockey, eh, and Europe & Latin America can have their soccer riots, and everybody else can have the Olympics. We have PLENTY to keep up with here with our big 3. Please get off my ESPN now. Thank you.

I guess this is a good place to say that sports were a HUGE part of my life from the time I could hold a bat until the end of high school. I played baseball, basketball, ran track, and even played ^%$#'in' soccer (when I was about 8-10 yrs. old -- and that's about the age people should stop playing it). I was pretty damn good at baseball & basketball, but obviously not too good (or just too lazy & skinny). Actually, 2 guys that beat me out of positions in high school baseball are now in the majors, and one of them is one of the best in the game -- Todd Helton. He plays for the Rockies, hits way over .300 and 20+ home runs every year, and is always in batting title contention. The other is Bubba Trammell, who most recently played the first half of this season with the Yankees, then sorta went AWOL (on a day he was supposed to start in right field!) and hasn't been heard from since -- almost literally. He just up & went back home, and nobody from the Yankees or in Knoxville is saying what happened. Crazy... but I do hope he's OK. Anyway, I spent the first half of my life at Fountain City Ball Park -- I was one of those grimy, raggamuffin little ankle-biters running around barefoot, playing cup-ball with about 8 layers of wadded-up paper Coke cups, begging my folks for change so I could feed my grape-soda stained face with YET another hot dog. I had some of the happiest times of my life there, and wouldn't trade my memories of playing ball (especially the years my Dad coached - and quite successfully, I might add - my older brother & I when we were younger) for anything in the world.

OK, this ain't no Kevin Costner movie. Back to my soapboxin'....

2) HIGHLY SKILLED HOBBIES: OK, I'll just list some -- track & field, golf, skiing, figure skating, bowling, hunting, fishing, billiards... you get the idea. Again, don't get me wrong -- I respect what they do, and how well they do it, and I know I sure can't do it that well. But here's where I make the distinction: any activity where you yourself are solely responsible for how good you are at it, is a HOBBY. A SPORT is when one's skill level is affected by the skill level of others, whether it's opponents or teammates. For instance, if Tiger Woods shoots a 68, then it's a 68 no matter what Vijay Singh shoots. But Hank Blalock's chances of getting a hit in the 9th inning against the Yankees depend quite a bit on whether he's facing Armando Benitez or Mariano Rivera. It's about mono y mono competition, with instant results. And if your activity doesn't fit those critia, well, then, friend... you got yourself a hobby.

3) NOT A SPORT, PERIOD: The fact that some of this nonsense takes up airtime on ESPN drives me freaking insane: poker, spelling bees, cheerleading championships, bodybuilding, aerobics championships. Competitions, yes. Sports, no. On this may I refer you to www.rps.com, at the behest of Jim Rome and some 'net research by Miss K. This is the website for... I'm serious here... professional rock-paper-scissors competitiors. I rest my case.

Now's when I have to tell you about THE best talk radio show around, sports or otherwise, The Jim Rome Show. For you Austinites, it's on 1300 AM The Zone (sports talk radio station) every day from 11:00 am to 2:00 p.m, it's broadcast live nationally from 12-3 Eastern time, or you can hear it live or archived on the show's website, www.jimrome.com. He also hosts "Rome Is Burning" on ESPN, Tuesday nights from 7:00 - 8:00 p.m. Eastern. .For those of you that know the radio show already -- I am a FULL-ON Clone. I went to the tour stop (special thanks to Miss K for standing in line for - count 'em - 6 hours to get us our ducketts), and actually even played at the "Romapalooza" pre-tour-stop party at Hanover's Draught House. If you came up & mentioned: 2 thin layers, the smackoff, ManRam, Amish buggy racing, or open-faced roast beef sandwiches, I'd know what you were talking about. War V. Smack!. For those of you that don't know the show and wonder why it seems like I'm writing in code, the Jim Rome Show is simply the best talk radio show on the air today. Whether you could give a flip about sports or not, it's the most entertaining show I've heard, actually experienced is a better term in this case, in a long time. And I listen to my fair share -- Jeff Ward and Ed Clemens here in Austin, Clark Howard, and snippets of Neal Boortz, Rush, and the occasional accidental Dr. Laura. Thanks, Austin radio, for giving us NOTHING but conservative talk radio to listen to! Not that liberal shows are any better -- when I do hear them (only on the road, I might add), they're pretty much just dull whine-fests. Why do those shows have to be liberal or conservative, anyhow? Everybody's got to have an agenda, like there's not enough axes to grind without all that crap. But that's another Soapbox....

Actually, m'luvly Miss K got me started listening to Jim Rome about a year ago. She kept coming home talking about Clones and "smack" and the "pimp in the box", and I had to find out what the hell it was all about. Rome himself suggests, and I agree, that if you haven't heard the show before, and want to give it a listen, you really should listen for a full week before you decide if you like it or not. I went through the same thing at first: he sounds kind of like a very informed pompous ass, then he's kind of funny, but you wonder what all the fuss is about. Then you start to understand some of the Jungle vernacular and the recurring jokes and themes. Then you either get it, or you just say, "Who is this jerk? I don't get it." And once I got it, I was hooked. As well as being extremely intelligent and knowledgeable about all sports, he also hits you with constant tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, wit, and insight. He also has some of the best interviews around, and conducts his interviews with precision and fairness In fact, he first made a name for himself by getting attacked over his desk while doing an interview on his first show, The Last Word with Jim Rome. In 1994 he was interviewing NFL QB Jim Everett, and kept taking shots at his manhood by calling him "Chris", referring to Chris Everett Lloyd, the big female tennis star at the time. Everett kept telling him to stop, and Rome said it one too many times, so Everett just jumped over the desk and attacked him, live on TV! After that, Jim Rome's career has been on a steady upswing, and now he has the most successful talk show in the nation, as well as his own new TV show on ESPN. And it is 110% deserved. His takes on both sports and news events are the best you will hear on talk radio, sports or otherwise. I could go on and on, as if I haven't already, but you just have to listen to or watch his shows to know what I'm talking about. Do yourself a favor and give it a try.

Well, I'd meant to talk some specifics about current sports stuff in this Soapbox, but in the interest of space and monotony, I'll save it for Part II. That way the folks who are already pissed that they wasted a 15 minutes of their day reading about what I think about sports & talk radio can just stop reading here, and won't have to find out what I think about baseball and the Series, the current NFL season, and the upcoming NBA season. Not that I blame them. Actually, I really appreciate it and think you'll be entertained if you want to find out what I think about that stuff, but if you're getting your sports news from me, you should really be listening to Rome instead.

Thanks, y'all -- and as they say in The Jungle....

Out.

Roger